Monday, November 10, 2008

Relationships before Marrige

A new trend in Pakistan is the emergence of the boyfriend/ girlfriend relation which starts at the age of 15 (hopefully). Parents send thier childeren to schools and universities to study but unfortunately they end up into some other activites. There's no right or wrong over here its not bad to like someone but is it good to have relationships that are not meant to last? People have come forward with this western culture of going out together and dating in the "Cafe's" . Being physical in a relationship is not much of a big deal and they actually think its cool. Is this the future of Pakistan? Why is it that it has become manadatory to have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Post your opinon on this topic and please avoid taunting or humiliation of any other comments. Its an open talk and everyone has the right to say what they feel and think.

18 comments:

eilya said...

Relationships at the tender age of 15 might be wrong and may not last forever however not all relationships end up in broken hearts. There is nothing wrong in knowing the person or liking the person and dating as an agency only helps in finding out the other person which in marriage you also go through. Just because dating is not 'socially' acceptable it should not be stigmatized nor the couples. It is a matter of perception. Of course, there has to be a limit which is not only set by our religion but also our culture but it does not extend to the view that relationships should be banned!!

Amz said...

Relationships have become so common that people no longer consider them wrong... i think proper knowledge of religion can help prevent it... most of the people are not even serious about the people they date, they do it for time pass... when time comes for marriage they then start looking properly...

Aqida said...

... The truth is these days we're following our culture and NOT our religion. I think every Pakistani Muslim knows that these affairs are forbidden in Islam and yet the majority is involved in them. (There are plenty of more examples of how we're following culture and not religion... e.g. how can half sleeves (for girls) be more acceptable than capris? They are SOCIALLY more acceptable... religiously they are equal sins.)
Religiously boys and girls shouldn't even be hanging out together like we do.
And religiously even falling in love with someone is a sin (Yes, that's something I recently found out in my Islamic studies class).

So religiously nothing about premarital relationships is acceptable.

Personally I don't believe relationships should be stigmatized (let people live their lives their way!), but I do believe these relationships should be discouraged as much as possible. True that they don't always end up in broken hearts, but then they don't always end up in marriages either. And that IS why these relationships are forbidden Islamically too. Because there is no guarantee that these two people will get married. We know plenty of people who dated someone, but we know VERY few people who actually got married to the same person.

My point, if you really love someone so much and if you're really that sure that you want to marry him/her, why don't you just ask your parents to get you engaged to him/her. (Probably because on some level we all know that what we're doing is absurd... or because we know that our parents would never agree to it... so if they wouldn't agree, then you can't marry that person, so no point in dating, right?).

Lol, I hope I made some sense...

Abeer Pervaiz said...

Totally agree with aqida why should u go thru the hassle of falling for someone when u knw u wont end up together.maybe its just being naive and trying to prove that with time things will change but not everything ends up good.

Sofia Khan said...

How would one know tht a relationship wont last for long, until they get into one?!!! Basically one should start going out when one knows that they are mature and not going out becasue its cool or feel pressurized by their class fellows.

annZ said...

If you play with fire, you are going to get burned:P. relationships before marriage are a gamble.sometimes you win sometimes you loose.I personally feel that the gamble is itself not worth it because why bother gambling when you can have the same thing come to you from a far precious and safer source.
i think a lot of people who date, date for popularity and to create "buzz".They don't care about each other and little feelings are involved.i'm not just saying this ,i have seen people,witnessed people cange a girlfriend/boyfriend every few months! more often than they actually change the model of their cellphones.
And if you really value your relationship, why do you want to show it around at every possible nook and corner of the society! even inside busses by openly making out and disgustofying people around you.

mahin said...

i think relationships are extremely distracting. individuals should concentrate on their lives and careers and forget about the rest.

Abeer Pervaiz said...

haha annz ur right espeacially in uni buses and cars!

maryum.ali said...

i AGREE with Aqida ..guys the problem with our nation is that we have alot to say and very less to implement half of the people who here are saying that pre marital affairs are so called forbidden have actually been associated in some way or the other so the bigger part is accepting it and not just commenting yes its not valid neither socially nor ethically its a test yes its a gamble like others things in life set ur limits and work towards it "the ultimate relationship" because evry experience teaches you.
And lastly its of for some people stop complaining and pointing out work on ur self set an example if u really have the courage

anika said...

Relationship before marriage is not acceptable by our society .And there is no such concept in ISLAM.

Xen said...

Somebody walks in and is labelled SINGLE...people turn around and look at him/her in awe....yes that is what our society is transforming into. a place where being in relation is no more a good feeling or a private affair but is considered status symbol or modernization.
is it the media or over influence of western world?...no we cannot blame anyone;its us...our society..our own people...we are giving up our norms and values. being in a relation is not a taboo nor a sin but the way u get indulged in it...makes is questionable...to like somebody and to get married to the same person is like a gift of life...it shudnt be made fun by jumping from one relation to another....

Haleema said...

Relationship before marriage aint a sin, however adding an S to it can become controversial, btw beep beep i dont consider them a sin if the person you love and go out with is eventually going to be your life partner, but this hardly happens, nowdays people keep loads of options with them in order to pick the right one out at the right time. We all are human beings and its human nature to like a person and when one falls in love it aint the hand of the person itself, but yes playing at a very fragile age of fifteen where you try and get physical with the person you go out with is the idea today's culture and our society holds, its a bitter reality but its all happening around us.. God has designed our life into different beautiful phases, every phase has a boundary to it, crossing that limit will also take away the charm of that phase. Basically this thing maynot have one side to it.. depends where you are standing and what you are tryin to see.. it also depends alot from which family backgrounds we come from, as its a dignity within a person who makes him or her realize which path would be right for him to chose and when to chose, if living in 21 Century people have become so liberal that falling into as many relationships is an image that is portrayed and has become prevalent then somewhere they also know what they are getting themselves into, fall for something which is going to be yours forever rather then something transient.:) n bef i stop makin sense and fall into somethin else thas all frm my side!

MT said...

its a very good topic... and relevant one... people these days have no shame and fall in and out of relationships...

Junayd Joe said...

Youth of Pak is going on the dark path, they dont realize what the consiquences would be.Dating girls and boys is a new trend in pak and its happening because we have forgotten our culture and adopting the western beliefs.We can make our selves good by saving our close ones from this poison of west.

rana qamar said...

exactly true no word or sentence is missing

m.k said...

I am just 15 yrs. old and so not into this realationship thing....
the problem that i have is when i used to go school before i was 15, girls used to ask me "do you have a boyfriend?" n i used to tell 'em no.....i'm not interested in such stuff...and they used to think i am out-dated but it's not what my problem is...i dont actually care what people think about me as i believe if your loyal to yourself n your parents then nothing else matters.....
the thing is that now suddenly girls have started askig me...how many boyfriends do i have?
i m shocked at the change of the question.....now even if i do say no..they dont believe it because they think i wanna keep it secret...i just dont get it.. i dont know how to fit in such environment anymore...? help me, cause i really dont wanna be turned into such girls to whom there parents trust n respect doesnt matters?

Anonymous said...

I just came to know about this blog. I REALLY LOVE IT. I just want to say that some of my friends have also been into relation-ships and when I try to talk them out of it, the respose that I get is...don't we all do things that are against islam?

On the other hand, I know some people say their parents are aware of the guy/girl they're been dating and refuse to give then any guidlines. That is so idk what to say about that? How in the world can your PARENTS be okay with it?



I really don't what to say, I just wanted to give you guys my opinion :))

Anonymous said...

very sad